Past Inspirations

Today, I wanted to talk about one particular past inspiration that was a massive, massive part of my life up until recently. That inspiration was horses. And one little fella in particular. This is the story of Victor.

It was May 2011 when I finally convinced my parents and my grandparents to let me buy a horse. I'd had experiences of having horses on loan, and had brought a horse that was miss-sold so I wanted to make sure my next horse was the perfect horse. I was only 14, a fairly experienced rider but still had an awful lot to learn. I was scrolling through endless adverts on Horsemart and Preloved, when I came across this guy:
"Ffynnonfelys Victors Last- 14.2hh, Welsh D 7yo gelding out of Ebbw Victor.
Loving and kind natured horse, currently jumping 3ft classes, done cross country schooling, hacks out in company fine but can be nervous on his own, good to shoe etc etc etc" (his ad is still on a facebook page from 2011!!!)

He sounded perfect, and just what I was looking for. So I went to view him and took my best friend Molly with me. I instantly fell in love with him and after a few more viewings and a 5 stage vet test, he was delivered to me at my current stables in Ingestre.

At ingestre I had almost 2 years with Victor before moving closer to home. In those two years I began to realise how much of a challenge a green horse was. And how inexperienced he was. And me for that matter. After a good few bumps in the road, after a year and a half we eventually gelled and it felt like nothing could come between us and we trusted each other entirely.

It then came to the point when I wanted to go competing. After a nasty accident, vic was not keen on trailers and travelling so we hacked half an hour to Stafford Show which is held in Hixon. In 2012 we became Reserve Champion in the Pre-Novice Horse (2ft3-2ft6) which for our first season competing was an utter achievement and I honestly felt on top of the world.

However there came a time where I had to move closer to home ready for my GCSE's and A Levels so I moved to Molly's yard, Buxtons, in 2013. Little did I know that that summer was going to be one of the best summers of my life. Molly had her pony, Candy. Candy and Victor became best friends and we rode together pretty much every day. We had jumping sessions (where I made molly not be a pussy and jump over a metre;) and where I jumped 1m20), we went for 3 hour + hacks all over the chase, we genuinely had the best summer together and had so much fun and so many memories.

Especially when Molly and I spontaneously decided to buy another horse each. Well Molly wanted to for ages, I on the other hand had just brought a trailer, but then sold it in order to buy Poppy. A welsh D X Appaloosa. And it was one of the best decisions I had made. She was "Lightly Backed" (not really) and needed completely restarting. After weeks of groundwork to build up muscle and fitness and gain trust, the rebacking commenced and buy the end of the summer she was leading hacks and was bombproof, and could jump a metre course. She had just turned 5 that summer and wasn't broken in long so I was very impressed. She continued to amaze me with how willing she was to learn and give me her best in every schooling, jumping and hacking session. So much that the winter of 2013-2014, she amazed me completely by jumping 1m20. I was gobsmacked by her potential.

In October 2013, I suffered a bad fall off Victor, (my fault not his) and had to sell them both due to me not physically being able to look after them, let alone ride them. But I managed to sell them and they have both stayed on the same yard and are both being spoilt rotten.

I do hope to get another horse in a year or so when I've finished my course at college and when I have a proper job. One that I can afford to spoil but also get out competing again as I really do miss the buzz. However, my health is paramount and has to come first.

Here are some photos of my inspirations.
Lots of Love
Hannah xxx

                                                                  Poppy jumping 1m20.

                                                                  Gorgeous ponies.

                                                                Victor giving kisses.

                                                                  Poppy being awesome.

                                                                 Victor jumping 1m5/10

                                                              Vic being awesome again.

                                                          Jumping 3ft without a saddle.

Something Quite Scary

If I mention panic attacks to people, not everyone understands.

Some people think you're silly for worrying over things, others know what you're going through. 

I used to get panic attacks very frequently when I was younger in Primary and High school, because I was severely bullied and never had anyone to talk to about it, I used to wake up in the middle of the night and have some pretty big panic attacks. 

When I was old enough to understand what they were, and had also learnt to stand up for myself, the panic attacks slowly went away. 

However, as I am writing this at 4 in the morning, I have just experienced one. 

Now this scared me way more than usual because I haven't had one in I don't know how long! I didn't even remember what they felt like until halfway through. 

I don't know what brought it on entirely, but I have been stressing about health issues and my personal life for a few months. And yesterday I really wasn't feeling well and it got worse through the night. 

I get tonsillitis quite frequently however this batch has come on pretty hard. (Normally it takes a few days to develop) 

So I woke up because my throat was in agony so I went to the toilet and had a drink and washed my mouth out (as awesome as that sounds) and then got into bed and sat up to have a strepsil for my throat. 

A few mins later my head started spinning, as I get migraines often too, so I thought I'd get up to get some ibuprofen off my desk. As I began to sit up, I just couldn't breathe, I started shaking and sweating and my mouth went numb. I then started crying uncontrollably and it just got worse. It lasted for about 10 mins before luckily my mum heard me (only because my dog could sense that something was wrong so started barking bless him) and her and dad came in to calm me down, and the gave me some cold water and tissues! 

I apologise for waking everyone up at 4am!!

I'm sat recovering now and just ache everywhere and my migraine has come on even worse! 

I just wanted to write this down before I forgot so I could look back at what happened. I don't think there's any way I can control them but as long as I try to stay calm when it happens, maybe next time I won't be as worried. 

How do you all deal with panic attacks? 

Any tips would be much appreciated. 

Anyway I best try and get back to sleep! 

Lots of

Love,

Hannah xxx

Planning, Inspirations and the Future

Hello internet!

Sorry I haven't posted this on Monday (usual weekly blog day). I have been a bit stuck for inspiration these past few days as I've had a stressful week sorting my life out!!

It then dawned on me, that I really want to do more aspiring things. I want to do things I haven't before (as long as I am medically able to).

I love the excitement you get by thinking of a new challenging task to complete, and even more excitement when you plan it. For example it is nothing spontaneous but Molly and I are planning to go shopping to Birmingham for our 18th Birthdays. Not as fancy as Paris, I know, but somewhere where there are Ted Baker shops and where I don't have to travel far (I cannot stand trains or long journeys) is utterly perfect. And what makes the idea fantastic, is the fact we will be taking our boyfriends with us.

I had a thought the other day, more like a strange wave of realisation, that life is really to short and I should do more things that make me happy, rather than wondering "What if?" all the time. As I know looking back on things, I will definitely think that and wish I would have done something about it.

So I have decided to make a "bucket list" type thing.. I may not do everything this year, but there is absolutely no point in rushing. I want to enjoy life. So here it goes...

Number 1- Start a YouTube Vlogging channel. As much as I love typing in my blog, I'd love to be able to explain things better in a video as it captures true emotion and pictures rather than just words.

Number 2- Buy a PROPER DSLR camera. I so so regret selling my lovely, lovely Canon camera at the end of the summer so I would love to have a camera to capture everyday moments and my inspirations, and use it to vlog on my channel

Number 3- Go to Birmingham with Molly and the boys. Obviously this is an easy one to tick off as that is what we are doing and I cannot blooming wait!!

Number 4- Go on holiday with Nick this year to somewhere hot. I best get saving then!!

Number 5- Visit Brighton and go to Choccywoccydoodah and stuff myself with cake. This is a must. If you have heard of this magnificent company, you will understand why.

Number 6- Get fitter. I really do need to loose some timber and get fitter to enjoy life more.

Number 7- Go to Cheshire Oaks and buy some Ralph Lauren clothes. Nick brought me a few tops from here last September so I'd love to get some more.

Number 8- Learn more make up techniques. I'd love to continue learning about the wonders of make up and buy some more high end products such as Mac and Too Faced, and even when we go to Birmingham- have a make up session with one of the Mac Artists!

Number 9- Go to the beach with all my college friends and camp out under the stars. As bad as this will be for my back it would be utterly amazing to do this.

Number 10- Go road tripping. I don't know when or where. This is the last of my list because it isn't as achievable. But Nick and I have talked about going on a road trip to somewhere like Australia and do a number of activities like scuba diving (my ultimate dream).

So yes maybe the last one will be a bit more difficult but never impossible. I will add more when I tick more off and I will document it all right here.

I hope you enjoyed this weeks blog and please like/share etc etc if you did!

Lots of love my angels
Hannah xxx